I'm off this week, so I decided to jump back on the horse and take class one level up this morning with my same teacher (I would have taken my regular level but there's no daytime class during the summer.) I was nervous from the moment I looked around the room. It seems the daytime ballet crowd is different from the after work and weekend crowd. There was all this warmup rompers-sweater tights over leotards-leggy ballet perfection!
And appearances were not deceiving. Teacher taught to the level of the students there, and I felt in over my head. I couldn't focus, and my technique felt sloppy. Although some things went better for me, I just kept seeing all the things I was doing wrong and how much better everyone else was.
So I did a cowardly thing and did not stay for center.
I've only done this once, when I was injured. To be fair I do have 6 hours of Other Movement rehearsal coming up, and lots of other reasonable reasons...but the truth is, I couldn't stand the thought of doing things in groups while being watched. And it wasn't even that I didn't want them to see me being bad. I didn't want them to think that I thought I belonged there, that I was delusional....
I'm going to cry a little and console myself with pie now.