Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Social Anxiety (Just Kill Me Now)

I was pretty flustered during petite allegro in the class one level up this past weekend, and I accidentally didn't clear properly after my group went, just running off to the side instead of moving forward.  OOPS.  I still feel so anxious about it even though it was days ago now.  I know better than to clear that way, and I HATE violating social norms / etiquette.  Now I'm convinced everyone hates me and thinks I'm rude and terrible.  I even feel like anyone reading this probably hates me now because I suck at life so much.

Aside from wanting to crawl in a hole to die of embarrassment, ballet class has been pretty good since my last update.  Three classes have passed, so I have a lot of notes to set down here.  As always, this is probably a bit tedious, but it helps me a lot to look back on them later.

Friday class was great, in that this teacher always focuses a lot on technique and alignment.  I felt like it was exactly what I needed to get back into the swing of things.  I got some really good corrections.  As always, he was pretty much poking me in the butt the whole time to get me to pull up more.  Ugh, my abs are strong but my butt is weak, so it creates a disconnect.  Also apparently when I rise, he said I was rising without pulling up and then correcting this once I got to the top to balance, rather than using the lift to rise.  I've since been applying that correction and it really helps with balances.

Saturday was the day of my awful social disgrace, but at least other things didn't go so terribly.  The barre went rather well.  Even though it is faster and more complex, I feel like I know this teacher (my most regular) well enough that I understand her patterns and tendencies.  I was able to note down the barre exercises that felt more unfamiliar, so here it goes.

One was: plié tendu front, straighten and carry the leg to the side, plié tendu to the back, four ronde de jambes, passé, plié extend front, passé, plié arabesque back (I think?).  I don't remember this combination that well, because she came over to me to lift my working leg higher in the plié front extension so I missed half of it with the group.  She said, "At least that height.  You're young so we can push this."  (I don't think she knows how old I actually am, but people always love Gumby-ing my body around because I'm flexible.)

I had some problems with the frappé sequence for some reason.  Even though it wasn't anything weird or hard, I kept stumbling?  It was: frappé en croix, double frappé en croix, grand battement en croix, repeat on relevé (or flat).  I actually didn't do the second time on relevé because I wanted to get this cleaner.  I feel like I also sometimes get thrown with ronde de jambe en l'aire in a combination (in lower level we just do them alone).  In upper level, the teacher likes to do two pas de cheval front side and back, and then two ronde de jambe en l'aire, and then reversing it.  Oh also, does anybody else get kind of lost when doing cloche?  I feel like I always forget if I'm closing front or back after doing a bunch of them.  Just need to focus more I guess.

Here are the center combinations that I remember.  Two pliés in croisé with arms, developpé croisé, bring the working leg down and transfer weight straight to arabesque, one developpé side en face with each leg, piqué arabesque, promenade, pas de bourrée to other side.  We also did: two balancés, tombé pas de bourrée, chassé, pirouette from fourth en dehor, rise to arabesque en relevé, close, repeat the first part, pirouette en dedans from fourth with arms in fifth instead of en dehors, rise to relevé sous-sus.  Turns are getting better.  I think when they are from fourth and part of the combinations, I just go for it more and it sometimes works.  

My teacher is being so supportive about my moving up a level.  I think she saw how discouraged I was by the petite allegro part, and she was telling me I'm doing great and improving so much.  I took class again with her on Monday but at the lower level.  I got the correction to lengthen my tailbone a bit more and to find more space in my hip flexors.  In center we broke down glissade and also worked on pirouettes from fifth (quarter, half and whole).  Pirouettes are so much harder from fifth.  Mine still look terrible with the whole turns, but the quarter and halves have improved a lot.



  1. We seem to have a lot in common when it comes to turns - easier when they're from fourth and mid-combination, and harder from fifth. And I hear you on the struggles with petite allegro! I'm sure no one is upset at you for not moving forward at the end of the exercise - I'm sure it's happened to all of us at some point. Of course, to some (like me), more recently than others...
    That is so awesome how your teacher is so supportive!

    1. I will console myself with the fact that even if they thought something at the time, it is probably forgotten by now. It's all stupid impossible petite allegro's fault!