I've been away on vacation, and I only took class once the whole time I was away. I bought lots of dance stuff though! For anyone in Los Angeles, Danny's Warehouse is definitely a must do if you are into scoring deals on dancewear. Adult Beginner wrote about her adventures there if you are curious.
I had lunch with a ballet friend after class on Sunday, and I was able to articulate some thoughts and feelings I had been having about ballet. She was talking about committing more, doing more, etc...and I was able to say that I am personally okay with not doing more and pushing myself in that way at the moment.
I haven't really talked about it on this blog in depth, but I've dealt with mental health issues for a lot of my adult life. I sometimes wonder if some of the things about ballet are triggering or unhealthy for me. It definitely can play up my anxiety, and I'm having some body dysmorphia issues that I don't really want to get into as yet. I think it's manageable, but I think I should be mindful in the way I do ballet. It's very easy for me to push myself and be a perfectionist; it's much harder for me to be kind to myself. I want ballet to be healthy and joyful for me. I want to maintain my interest in it in a sustainable way. I definitely got pretty burned out on Other Movement towards the end, and I don't want that to happen with ballet.
Even though I am writing about this in a rational way here, I do feel a bit inadequate compared to my friends who do more and push themselves more. Am I just being a baby about this? Am I just avoiding challenging myself? Insecurity...
After class on Monday, I had a conversation with a woman I see semi-regularly in class. She mentioned that I said something to her about a combination a few weeks ago that really helped! And she said that I was really nice and friendly, and that some people were very serious and competitive in the studio. I said I took ballet very seriously, but not myself. As an adult beginner, one has to have a sense of humor and perspective, don't you think? Anyway, in light of a post about introvert problems on balletandorbust, I'm happy that more people are comfortable chatting with me before and after class.
We were doing a combination across the floor (saute arabesque saute passe twice, one more saute arabesque, glissade, pas de chat). My first time across on my right side was pretty good...dare I say even pretty! So it made it really hilarious on the left side, when my pas de chat was terrible because I didn't hold my upper body at all! A girl I know came up to me after I did it and I was laughing at myself, and was like, you are ridiculous, what was that!? I shrugged and said, my body thought we were doing modern dance or something, and then starting doing Graham style contractions for a second before my next pass.
I will have to remember to write out notes from that Monday class, as it was a good one for me and I had some realizations.